What happen to me....

I don't know whats wrong with me...

i felt that i'm a completely a failure in my family eyes....

i resist not to cry but i can't....

throughout my lives...nothing can actually shows them that i actually "I can do it"

i didnt complain that they treat me bad or what...

they treat me really Good but.....

it just why i cant be like other sister and brothers...

i really wanna to know is it the problem occur during my childhood time....

think back my childhood time...i dunno whether...i develop the right way or not...

my mom born me on the aged of 37 my dad is 41

dad working all day long even saturday & sunday

mom working all day long too...sewing all the mattress...

sis working part time....then study college

big bro study....then went to penang to study

2nd bro study then went to serdang to study

3rd bro study but when he was a primary school student he play with me....but when he grow up...he didnt play wit me anymore...and our communication is lack due to some problems

when i wan to join them play, they dont allow me to play with them.....and i'm just alone

And i always playing with my OWN world and till now i'm still in this condition

i dunno whether i'm abnormal or wat...i hav no choice~~~

whoever i know none of them i feel i can share my whole true story to them...juz only 1

is my OWN world....this OWN world only i feel that i can say or share it out~~~~

every single time i think about it....i really really cry it out....

but actually who cares that i cry...who wanna to know that i cry...so what...it just a big baby crying....and so what....

but who cares about my feeling.....i know i'm dumb, i'm stupid, i know nothing, what i do all are just 3 minutes works....i'm slow learner...listen only front and back part.....

i'm not smart....i'm not good speaker.....whatever things I just stupid on it....

but i have no choice...i have to grow out of it...i have to force myself....but none of them have no trust on me....It just little support from u...i already satisfied....

please don't look at me as a dependent child....let me try...i dont mind how hard is it....just let me try......just me some time....just some time...~~~

loneliness

erm..since a while i didn't post anything in here~~~

today i felt so boring therefore i drop something here.

Every single day once i back from uni i felt really bored because i have nothing to do. Even there is a lot of assignment yet is still bored. Facebook is kinda bored and thats why i keep update my post but unfortunately update until nothing to update.

What i imagine before is way different from reality. I kinda have a feeling that i hate reality but reality is always is way disaster than the imagination. But i don't know why those people say once you imagine the good way things will happen in the good way too. Maybe those people who say it, they putting effort on it. Maybe i didn't. Maybe i overly imagine it.

I didn't regret to come to kampar and even my choice of study. I does enjoy my studies. i feel i really learn something that i really don't know. Before me i was too dependent and immature mind but right now i train to become an independent and mature person. But dependent to independent is okay for me but immature to mature is quite hard for me because i'm use to think those unnecessary things which wouldn't happen to me at all.

Many things i have to confront no matter what. Sometimes once i watch him, listen to him or think about him i feel refresh and smiling. This sound crazy and immature but is some kind of encouragement in my life.

DAY after Day~~~

it's already coming to day where i need to leave KL...emm..seem very miss to KL...since this my 1st time to leave from KL..this what we call "New Day, New Life"..3 years is look very long to others but for me time is running fast..everything is just a blink..

By the way, today i went shopping alone in Mid Valley..haha...i'm kinda blur on it because i don't know what to buy..and i bought Popolo magazine(which alots of Johnny's entertainment boys pics) which is very very very waste money...i'm still don't know why i bought it.. and then after i shop..i went to kl sentral meet my only friend who share the same interest with me(Jpop stuffs^^)...we went to low yat plaza to survey laptop which i very very desperate to own it...didn't survey much because every laptop is over rm2k quite scary to me..but until one store this salesman, named Allex recommend me a Toshiba, explain very details even he said his customers choices(which made me OMG sign appear in my head), very good bit, very cheap it just only rm1.599 everything is included+ free 10 gifts...but my head is thinking about it but scared to get cheated so i'm researching...need to get some expert people to help me...

Hope i can really own a laptop...so that in kampar i won't be so boring~~

Early 19th b'day ^0^

I should write this early but due to customize my blog so now only i write about it....

since my b'day is coming soon and i have to leave KL for further my studies in Kampar, so my beloved frenzz had done something special for me.

April 29th:11.30pm in Poh kee jie house(^^one of my guluguji family member)

Guluguji homemade a simple birthday party for ruby, me & siow ying..since they both fall in the same month with me^^..however is still April but time not the matter as i said..its really simple but really surprise and happy and touching..i never thought i can have a birthday with guluguji family..hehehe^^ they done a giving present ceremony..haha...what a cute idea...so sarah hor as representative of guluguji family present me a bowl of BBQ pig rice+money saving^^, Li leng jie as representative of guluguji family present siow ying a special diary notebook^^, for ruby jie le...hahaha even much more surprise...^^ jack present ruby a fluffy bear with his signature...hahaha..that is Why GULUGUJI IS SO WONDERFUL...I look at the the bowl of rice i really touch and i never thought that they keep my slogan on their mind..so they present me this special rice..

"money is not the problem, as long as happy" ^^ that is what i always tell them..

I'm really happy receive this bowl of rice and i will bring the rice and the box together with me to kampar..

THANK YOU MY GULUGUJI!!!I MISS YOU ALL!!!

May 4th:1.00pm-11.45pm in 1U Neway and Manjalara Live music or band

Go out with my special gang "Green Gang" cause we all are part of Lembaga Pusat Sumber..Since we all friends already 10++years..we always sit together no matter we are different colleges now..we together sing K eat, crazy until i select very oldies song hahaha..since we all start semester in different time, so our free time is clashing + they know i will going to kampar and will less meet them so they want to gather together sing k and eat and citchat..they even treat me sing K :'-(..At Manjalara Live Music/Band we all eat and citchat many interesting story until almost midnight..before we left the table, my Green Gang present me a very simple card..is very very simple but for me i don't mind as long as it is special for me i always keep it forever and ever..what a beautiful Fuji mountain with sakura's

Take it to kampar...emm??should i frame it??

THANK YOU GREEN GANG..WE FOREVER EVER & EVER ALWAYS GREEN GANG..

Thank you so much..i'm so glad that i had you all guys!! You all are very very adorable!!

My First Post....

I don't use to type blog because i don't update my blog. From now on, no matter how long i didn't update my blog, I try my best to update my blog. Because I found out that time is not the important, it just how much you want to share your life to other people that you want to share. That is my Key of Life.